Hey There Hayden

I'm a transgender male. I'm also biromantic, but I have a preference for females. I've had little crushes here and there. I've had 2 big ones though, but they all have something in common: they're nothing compared to what I've had for the past three years. My school isn't very accepting though and I haven't transitioned so I still LOOK like a female. An ugly one at that. I'm not anything special, but she is. Ever since freshman year, I've noticed her in every class and every hall. I could give you a good estimate on far our lockers are from each other. It's not creepy, right? I hadn't put a label on it until a couple of weeks ago and I can't stop thinking about her when we're in Spanish. She's loud and obnoxious, yet quiet and gentle. I can tell that there's something deeper there, but I have no clue as to what. Today her dance team performed at a pep assembly and I did nothing but stare. Is that bad? She's funny and I...

It's easier to write in the dark. The cover of night allows me to show myself the things that I show no one else. I've been lying for months. And I actually believed my lies for a short while until I got a wake up call. So here I am to confess to you, my readers, I'm not as well as I've been telling people. If you read my blog, you know that, but those who are actually in my life don't know. I don't think I want them to know either. I hate being so lonely,yet it feels so good. It courses through my body and sucks out any and all energy I have. It's like Heroin. It's poison and you know it, but you don't care cause It's so. Damn. Addicting. I tried to ween myself off, but here I am crawling back to it. Or maybe I never stopped at all. I just got used to it being there so I became numb. Something slapped me back into feeling, but I don't know what. I know one thing: I'm in this alone.

Where's my motivation??? I don't write, I don't sleep, I skip meals, I don't do homework and I don't study. I'm supposed to be studying now, but I got distracted with all of my distractions. If that makes sense, then you're probably like me. You try and try and try to make something out of the glop that is your life, but you can't. It's not solid enough to form into anything and the moment you finally get it to stand up higher, it comes right back down. And you don't know what to put in to fix it, but you try everything. Spoiler alert: Nothing works. Motivation? Gone. Discipline? Nope. Standards? Not even close. Reinforcements? Not that either. I have tried a multitude of different things, yet it doesn't help. Will I always be a good for nothing blob? Where is my will to do good. Where is my will to press on?? Can you tell me cause I really want it. I need it.

2 more years until I crack 2 more years until I refuse to come back There's only so much I can take every night There's only so much till' I need to fight Every comment and remark Every time and place portrays her as a shark she has left a scar I trace a long line of attacks all so perfectly aligned that my soul cracks and hope I shall find no matter how long little pieces left behind it's not all gone 2 more years then I'll finally begin 2 more years stick that date on a pin I'm just waiting to be me I'm just waiting to be free Thanks so much for reading and I'm sorry that I haven't been posting. I am back now and ready to go though and I'm excited! 

So I'm pretty sure I have Bronchitis...No really, I think I do. I'm coughing up nothing and it's never ending! Every time I cough I feel the pressure and force behind it and I think, "Oh shit, my eyes are gonna pop out and I'll die". Yeah, imagine that on my tombstone: DEATH BY BRONCHITIS. That'd be funny though. Anyways, I just wanted tot say that if you like the posts that I've done on here(Cafe Podere and The Things we do), there's more on a website called Writers Cafe. I have a profile all set up there and I post these short stories on there. I think I have 5 or 6 on there now and I also have a course. It's called: How to give your writing deeper meaning. Because sometimes, we don't want that blue curtain to be a blue curtain. We want it to mean something else. Yeah, so, I like it. It's fun and I especially love to when people message me on there. I love talking to the people there and I like reading their stuff. It's basicall...

"This just in! Japan has bombed Pearl Harbor! This could mean that the United States will enter the War. Our führer says the following of the attack: "Japan has done something today. A great deed! They have detonated a bomb on a US naval base. So as of today, we are officially at war with America. Never have we been so united, and together we will get our reparations from the first great war! ". The radio played loudly throughout the living room where Christoffer and his family were listening. Mama said, "Good! It's about time those damn Americans learn their place! Heil Hitler!" Father agreed, "Heil!"  They stood and looked to Christoffer. He was quiet, "His useless wars will soon bring us down. We're merely chasing dreams." Christoffer sister stood up and touched his upper arm ,"Brother, do not be like that. Show some German pride." "Why should I show pride for a country that is digging itself into a rabbit ...

Hey guys, so I wrote this short story and it's inspired by "A clean, well-lighted place.". This also takes place in a cafe and people who stay out at night, but I'm not trying to address insomnia. I'm addressing an important life lesson. See if you can figure it out. "Cafe Podere, open from 10 to however long you stay!" The waiter muttered bitterly. He sat behind the counter in a horrible mood. It was 2 AM and his dog was probably going crazy. The cafe really did stay open until the last customer left, but unfortunately this man never left until early morning. Around 4 or 5. That is why the waiter hated this shift. He normally worked opening shifts, but he covered for his long time friend. Oh how he regretted it now! The last customer was a young man. He simply sat there and stared at all the passing people. However, the people are long gone now and all of the lights of the buildings near the cafe are out. They are all closed just as the cafe should ...