Addicted

It's easier to write in the dark. The cover of night allows me to show myself the things that I show no one else. I've been lying for months. And I actually believed my lies for a short while until I got a wake up call. So here I am to confess to you, my readers, I'm not as well as I've been telling people. If you read my blog, you know that, but those who are actually in my life don't know. I don't think I want them to know either. I hate being so lonely,yet it feels so good. It courses through my body and sucks out any and all energy I have. It's like Heroin. It's poison and you know it, but you don't care cause It's so. Damn. Addicting. I tried to ween myself off, but here I am crawling back to it. Or maybe I never stopped at all. I just got used to it being there so I became numb. Something slapped me back into feeling, but I don't know what. I know one thing: I'm in this alone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Truth

What do you do when you look around and all you see is bits and pieces of your life swirling in a raging storm around you? What do you do when all of those that care are on the outside looking in, and no one can reach you? What do you do when the eye of the storm closes in on you, but no one else can see it? What if you can't tell them? If I'm being honest I don't know. But I do know that no storm lasts forever, so we have to stand strong while it takes it course. It can be tiring, frustrating, saddening, and lonely, but just know that there are others that are trying to do the same. Besides, after the storm, there's always reconstruction in which you can do anything. You can rebuild or build something newer, wiser, and better than ever before. Although no one can completely get in that storm with you, we are all there until it passes so we may be of any help. In the meantime, we are there carefully watching, waiting and making sure you're breathing and alive. We
Read more

Here's the thing...

Hello again! I'm just trying to process something and it always helps to write things down and keep track of it. You know, pros and cons. But I thought about how I have't really done anything too creative yet either. So this is a mix of both and I'm just writing this on the spot to be honest. Hopefully it turns out okay-ish. p.s. I'll refer to myself as "Grace" and not my birth name cause I'd like to keep that off of here. Grace. My birth name. The name I've been called for 16 years. Ever since I was little they've slowly been feeding me bits of this identity. I tried to build myself off of this identity, but it wasn't right. Now I know why. Because the stuff they fed me was not right. It didn't meet my needs, so now I'm slowly changing. Online, I'm known as Hayden. My friends know about me. As soon as I go home I am Grace yet again. My friends don't call me Hayden in school. They don't call me Hayden on the bus or real
Read more

I wish I were wrong

So this is not my first blog. This is actually a relocation of my last blog, so I'm gonna repost some of my old stuff throughout the upcoming months. I'll also be writing new stuff and posting that. I wanted to make this blog because I want to be me. The real me. I can't be me in real life because no one accepts me, but the internet allows me to skip time to where I see myself in a few years. It's amazing. And no, this is not me confessing to cat fishing people. I present myself as who I feel I am and tell them that I'm living as the opposite in real life. I am a guy. I know and I can feel it, it's just so...right. My name is Hayden. I am a 16(close to 17) year old boy. I like video games and, if I'm being honest, Pretty Little liars. However, I wasn't born this way. To my family I'm a girl. I was born a girl. My parents found out and they don't accept because it's a "sin" to be the way I am. I eventually gave up and let them win. I
Read more