Condition: Critical

Every day I come home drained from school and I take my dogs outside so they can do their business. And let me tell you, it's the best part of my day. There's no mom to criticize me or tell me how wrong I am. There aren't any loud high schoolers yelling to their friends and stuff. It's just quiet, but as soon as my Mom's car pulls into the garage all hell breaks loose for me. She digs right into me, in a half an hour she expects the house clean and homework done. That's not too difficult, but it's still not enough for her. I have to be perfect for her. My shirt is sloppy and my phone in my pocket makes me look fatter. My hair is a mess(It really is, I need a haircut.), I need to stop chewing gum and may heaven forbid if my pants are a little saggy. I can't help it! I've worn them for 8 hrs at this point so the khakis have expanded and I don't have a damn belt! She sent me to the store for Apple cider, so I walked in the rain to get it and she got mad cause it wasn't sugar free. She never told me she wanted sugar free, but in her mind she's always right. I'm always wrong, yet I still try to fight back. I can't help myself, I feel the need to stand up for myself. I disappoint her, I fail at every thing to her. She says my room stinks(Also true..my work shoes smell like the grime at Subway since I work there) and its toxic. I can't go clothes shopping without her criticizing me for my weight, which I'm really self conscious about, and she's feminizing me in every way she can. Painting my nails. Feminine clothes. Make-up. Heels. Dresses, the whole shebang. She doesn't like how I prefer Hayden so to her I'm my birth name. She disregards who I am and enforces her own image on me. I can't try to eat healthy or exercise or she'll notice and take control. I'm not gonna let her take THAT much control over my life though. She cares more about what people think of me than I care. Every time I make dinner for everyone and portion out the food, she's watching me, making sure that I get a little less than my younger siblings (10 & 7). I can't fucking take it, I can't. It's been happening for a long time, but it's starting to feel like I'm all alone and no one really cares about me because I'm just a fat disappointment. I'm a weak bitch. I'm a stupid loser. I guess I can't complain about the truth though.

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