Im back for 300th time

 I just reread all my old posts. There's such a darkness around them. I read them and I can feel the pain, the anger, the sadness, the suffering. Even in the positive ones. I love that I kept saying "this is my last post...for real". There won't be a last post. Not until the day I die. As busy as my life is, I can't forget the history this blog has and I think it's something I'll always come back to.


So let's get into an update now. I've left my mom's house and I have very limited contact with her. I still have a lot of pain and trauma from living with her but my dogs help me get through it. I have 2 rescue dogs and absolutely adore them. Duke and Raisin are my entire world. I came out. I'm finally Hayden 100% of the time. No one really knows my dead name but my mom still calls me by it and insists that I'm going to hell. Oh well. Also, I got top surgery this year!! I'm so happy with my transition and it's helped my mental health a lot. 


While my mental health is....improved its not perfect. I still have breakdowns, I still get triggered, I still hate myself sometimes if I'm being honest. I just thought that once I transitioned it'd all magically go away. Wrong. I know that I'm human and am learning to be graceful to myself instead of constantly talking down to myself. I think that helps. I guess we'll see over time, huh? 


Overall life is a solid 5/10 but it used to be at a 2 so it's a win. Wendy if you see this, I reread what I said about you and I'm sorry. Looking back as a 22 year old, that was immature and I'm glad we've reconnected 😌

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