13 Reasons Why and me

Some of you may know about the entire "13 Reasons why" controversy about people getting triggered by the more...graphic scenes. I saw the first season and I paid for it by my depression being super triggered. I remember watching that last episode and feeling so heavy on the inside. The show literally weighed me down for a solid month but I didn't tell anyone because it felt so silly to be so upset over a show. A good show, I might add. As a guy who deals with  depression and suicidal thoughts, I can't believe I thought it was a good idea to watch that damn show. I even attempted suicide and when I saw Hannah in that tub, just sitting there trying to follow through it brought me right back to when I tried the same thing. Then she slices her skin and the blood comes out and I remember how I dreamed of that for a super long time. Sometimes I still do. Knowing this, you'd probably tell me to stay away from season 2. I told myself the same thing. I watched it anyways. This season was different. I still feel heavy and depressed like last time, but they really focused on the sexual assault themes this time. I wish I'd prepared myself. I wasn't ready for the sudden flashbacks and graphic scenes of people being raped. It kept me up all night. No, really it's 5 in the fucking morning and I have to be up in a 30 mins. In the last episode, the jocks shove a mop stick...up a guy's ass. I was so fucking horrified I started crying. I literally cried for him. I know it's not real, but I guess I kinda understand how violating that is. How painful that was. There were a lot of scenes of Bryce(Main antagonist) fucking girls. Sometimes he had consent but the way he rationalized it to them was all too familiar. I'm so mad at myself right now. Why did I watch this?? Why didn't I do my research?? Why didn't I stop the damn episode? Why didn't I tell myself no???? Why didn't I tell him no? This was such a mistake.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I know what I said

I know I said that this was going to be happier and lighter, but I don't think so. And since no one actually reads this, I don't really give a damn. I don't really give a damn about anything these days. It's like my days are all blending together and melting into one another. They're heating up, filled with my rage and helplessness. Filled with thoughts of what a weak bitch I am. These little thoughts make up my days and they're little grains of sand getting hotter and hotter until they melt into glass. This glass is perfectly see through. No one can see it coming and when it hits them then this glass is a nuisance and it's walked around or pushed away. I can't control my depression anymore, it's hard. Like really hard just to go through my day feeling like a fucked up, self loathing bitch and still put up this smile. It's not even a good one. They think I'm getting better. I have my days but I'm getting better right? I'm looking to t...
Read more

Woah there Donny!

I'm sorry :D I'm sorry, but I just need a moment to think about something. Donald Trump, Multi-billionare, President of the United States, and a very successful buisness man, needs your personal money too! I'm laughing really hard actually, but let's break this down: On average Trump makes around 400,000 just for being president...and golfing. Let's be honest, he spends a lot time on those swings so that he can use them guns on twitter. To be fair, Trump did say he'd donate all of the presidential salary to charity, but according to the constitution Article 2, Section 1 clause 7, he must receive a fixed salary that CANNOT be changed, eliminated or refused. In other words, that money is his. AKA he can spend some of it redecorating the white house!! That's what we really needed! ot only does he recieve that and free housing, but he also has all of his businesses! To be precise he makes ~650 million per year according to his disclosure form. And he still wants...
Read more

The Truth

What do you do when you look around and all you see is bits and pieces of your life swirling in a raging storm around you? What do you do when all of those that care are on the outside looking in, and no one can reach you? What do you do when the eye of the storm closes in on you, but no one else can see it? What if you can't tell them? If I'm being honest I don't know. But I do know that no storm lasts forever, so we have to stand strong while it takes it course. It can be tiring, frustrating, saddening, and lonely, but just know that there are others that are trying to do the same. Besides, after the storm, there's always reconstruction in which you can do anything. You can rebuild or build something newer, wiser, and better than ever before. Although no one can completely get in that storm with you, we are all there until it passes so we may be of any help. In the meantime, we are there carefully watching, waiting and making sure you're breathing and alive. We ...
Read more